What Can You Learn from Rejection?

April 29, 2014 by Leave a Comment

What Can You Learn from Rejection?None of us likes being rejected. We often take it personally. If we get rejected, we often feel like we are a complete and utter failure, even when they are only criticizing one small aspect of us. If we took a step back, we could ask ourselves if there’s anything we can learn from the rejection. 

I place rejection in two categories, the first is someone who rejects us where it has nothing to do with us. There are those people who display their power every chance they get, and offering a negative critique is part of their arsenal. Unfortunately, we have to take this type of rejection for what it is; someone on a power trip and you’re the target. Ignore these people and their comments. It’s better to take feedback from people you trust anyway.  

The other type of rejection is truly constructive criticism. It’s a rejection, but there’s something in the feedback that you can work with. This type of rejection can help us grow as a person and grow our skills. Often it takes time though for us to hear the true value of what was said. It’s normal to discredit their feedback with a comment like, “that person doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”   

We don’t want to admit that the person who rejected us was right. But, it’s extremely important to examine what they’re saying about your skills or efforts. Take a look at it from their point of view. I remember when I had a screenplay of mine read by a professional. During our hour-long session my coach kept going over things that were weak in my script. It was hard to hear, but after a day or two I realized what she was telling me was helpful. It made me a better writer and it made the script stronger, so much so that it went on to take second place in a screenwriting competition.  

If your work is rejected, look for the opportunity to get something out of it. Sometimes you get turned down for a job without any feedback. If there’s something in the back of your mind that you could have done better, make sure that next time you correct it.  

Learn from the feedback people give you. It’ll help make you a stronger more well-equipped version of yourself. 

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What Playing the Bluebird Café Taught Me About Being the Best

April 22, 2014 by 3 Comments
What Playing the Bluebird Café Taught Me About Being the BestIn 1998, I went to play the famous Bluebird Café in Nashville, TN. If you’ve never been there, the atmosphere is intimate. It’s dark and cozy, and it only holds about 90 people. Many stars were discovered there; Garth Brooks, Kenny Chesney, and Keith Urban to name a few. At the time, I thought about moving to Nashville and making it as a songwriter. The Bluebird Café was the place to go and judge where I stood against every other aspiring songwriter. It still is.
Every Monday is open mic night, when all the amateurs get to showcase their talent. When I showed up the turn out was huge. There were people in line from all over the country, some had just gotten to town that day! I didn’t make it to the stage that night, but luckily I was still in town the following Monday, so I was assured of playing then.
When I got my chance to go onstage, I was nervous. I played two songs to polite applause. The thing is, songwriters pull for other songwriters. They aren’t the ones in the spot light generally; unless they also happen to be an artist, and the general atmosphere was “let’s support each other and listen to some great tunes.”  It was an amazing experience.
I saw and heard some impressive, and some not so impressive, singer/songwriters during the two Monday nights I was there. Some songs were so well crafted that I could already hear them being played on the radio, they were that good. Some were just plain forgettable.
Of the roughly 100 songs I heard (50 songwriters singing two songs each), I placed my songs somewhere in the middle of the pack. Though there were mostly country songs sung (I was more a pop/rock songwriter), songs are songs to me. I was better than average if I broke it down by genre.
It was a big lesson. I thought I’d come in there and people would be blown away by my songs and I’d be discovered. Granted, this probably wasn’t the best venue for my material, but it was still putting my work up against the best.
I’m sure every Monday night half of the songwriters on the stage at the Bluebird Café are playing it for the first time. Many people have the same dreams. I bet a lot of them are the best songwriters in their hometown. When you line up against the best of the best it’s not so easy to stand out. It shows how tough competition is.
It’s good to be confident in your abilities. Playing the Bluebird Café didn’t make me think any less of myself as a songwriter. It presented me with a great opportunity to see what other songwriters are doing.
If I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t know how I stacked up against other songwriters. We all want to know that we’re competent. Performing at the Bluebird Café verified that I was. If you never measure yourself against the real world how will you know whether you’re on track, you need an adjustment, or you need to try something else entirely.
It’s like those singers who audition on American Idol who have been told their entire lives that they’re talented, but when they can’t sing and they get rejected they are shocked. There’s no better barometer of your talent than going up against others who do what you do. It can reassure you or it can open your eyes.
That being said, there’s always someone out there who can do what you do better than you can, but they can’t do it exactly like you. That’s the thing. You bring your talents to the world, no matter what they are, in a special way that no one else can.
So, don’t give up when it seems like you aren’t succeeding or aren’t stacking up against others the way you think you should. If you are being the best version of you possible, that’s the best you can hope to accomplish. Others will flock to you for that.
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Living on Autopilot

April 15, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Living on AutopilotOur lives are often on autopilot. We slip into a routine and that guides us. We do things in the same order everyday and we can seemingly coast through the day. If something disrupts the order that we’re used to, we’re thrown off kilter. I’ve gotten thrown off and forgotten to shave in the morning, or gotten out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair. Sometimes I wonder how I got home because I don’t even remember the commute!
You know when something doesn’t feel right, but you don’t want to investigate what it is or maybe you’re frightened by the answer you’ll uncover if you do dig deeper into it. If you know what’s wrong you may need to interrupt that momentum that we all have, and that takes work.
I’ve been in jobs where I felt like that. I knew something wasn’t right, but if I questioned it I’d have to figure out what wasn’t right, look at what was, find out if I wanted to change something, if I had the ability to. If I found out I needed to leave the job, I’d have to find out what I wanted to do, re-do my resume, apply for jobs, interview, start at someplace new. All of that takes hard work.
But, making a change is always hard work. You have to decide whether staying where you are is scarier than leaving. This applies to jobs and careers, relationships (is the relationship enriching you and helping you grow as a person or is it holding you back?), where you live (are there better opportunities in another city or do you need to downsize or maybe move into a larger house?).
Maybe coasting is alright, but that generally means that life is coming at you and you’re playing defense; you’re taking whatever comes your way instead of dictating to life what it should be. Life is more fulfilling if you have a say in what happens.
Think about what making the change means? What will it change in your life? It’s not making a change for change’s sake, it’s making the change to create a different life than you have now.
I did that with a job I didn’t like. I knew the time was right to cut the cord. Staying there was soul-killing. It was scary leading up to that moment, but when I knew it was the right thing to leave, it was very freeing.
It’s good to reevaluate from time to time. Living on autopilot isn’t very rewarding. Once you decide on a new route, life can be fueled by your own positive momentum instead of inertia.
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The World Doesn’t Owe You Anything

April 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment
The World Doesn't Owe You AnythingI went through a phase in my life where I was frustrated by my lack of success. I thought, “When I’m discovered, then things will be different.” When I learned the truth that the world is never going to discover me. It made it easier to deal with. I was waiting for the world to hand me something just because I wanted it. Even if I hadn’t really earned it. (There’s also another lesson in there about how you define success, but I’ll save that for another time.)
The reality is, that the world doesn’t owe me anything. It doesn’t owe you anything. But, here’s the catch, once you stop waiting around to be discovered and you put in the effort to do your best, at whatever it is you are good at, the universe will conspire to help you.
It’s funny how when you attempt to make a change, other people will cross your path seemingly by accident or coincidence that can help you reach the next step in your development or journey. This doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because it needs to happen.
So, while you’re waiting around complaining that people aren’t giving you a break, or that you aren’t getting noticed at work or in your industry, step back and think about what you are doing to change that.
It’s critical to make your intention known. Do others know what your goals are? When you meet someone, do you tell them what you’re working on? They could end up being a huge support, or they could know someone who might be a valuable resource for you.
You need to “make” people discover you. They aren’t looking for you on purpose. There are people that want what you have to offer, but you need to figure out a way to get in front of them.
If you’re a writer and the rejection letters from agents and publishers are piling up higher than the snow during a Polar Vortex, do you let that stop you? No, you self-publish your work. You give it life beyond a file folder on your computer. If you’re a musician with dreams of playing huge arenas, you start playing small clubs or coffee houses. You put your songs on iTunes. You don’t wait for permission to do it, you do it.
Do you meet with others who are doing what you want to do? Do you belong to groups in your industry or profession? It’s important to be around others who share the same vision that you do and know what it’s like to go through what you’re going through. Not only do you learn a lot, but they inspire you as well. You may even inspire someone yourself. Think about that!
Magical things will happen when you put yourself out there. You’re rewarded for sticking your neck out there. When you do that, the universe knows that you are serious about your goals and that’s when the universe sets things in motion to help you.
Armed with knowledge, passion, and energy there’s nothing that will hold you back. So, what are you waiting for?
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Hanging on to Regrets

April 1, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Hanging on to RegretsHanging on to regrets keeps us living in the past.
It’s dangerous to go back and second guess yourself; especially doing it over and over. There’s a reason you made that decision, at that time. You weren’t ready for the consequences of the other choice. That’s all.
Armed with the knowledge that you now have, you can make better decisions going forward, if you let go of what you’ve already done. Don’t worry about whether you’ll have regrets about that decision later. If the decision empowers you, do it. I believe that we often know what to do, if we take the time to listen closely to what life is trying to tell us.
Here’s an exercise to try. Write down your regrets on a piece of paper and then go outside and burn it. Have a ceremony around it. Lite the paper, watch it catch fire, and follow the smoke and ashes rise into the air. Celebrate that those regrets will no longer have any power over you.
Just thinking about it makes me feel lighter. The physical act of seeing the regrets get incinerated will feel even better.
Spring signals a new beginning. We’re already in the mindset to move forward. Now is the perfect time to leave your regrets behind and start to blossom.
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When I Win the Lottery

March 25, 2014 by 1 Comment
When I Win the LotteryI’ve been thinking lately about what I would do when I win the lottery. It started when I sent back my Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes entry. I could win $7,000 a week for life. That’s $364,000 a year! That’s way more than I make now. That’d be sweet.
I thought about what would I do if I won that kind of money. After thinking about it, I decided I’d like to write more, publish my work, record an album of my music, travel, exercise more, help more people, spend time with more of my friends. When it came down to it, the things I wanted to do once I hit the jackpot didn’t require more money; they required more action.

Sure, I wouldn’t mind having more money. I could find ways to spend it, but I don’t need that in order to live a fulfilling life. I just have to commit to living life on my terms. No one is stopping me from doing it. The only thing that’s holding me back is me.
So, here’s the question I need to ask myself, “What could I do today that would fulfill at least one of those items from my list?” If I can do that, then I’m living on my terms. Then tomorrow I ask myself the same question. Soon, momentum will build to where I’ll just be doing what I want that creates the life of my dreams.
I don’t need to wait for something to happen before I can live my life. I need to throw away the excuse, “I’ll start (blank) when (blank). You know the kind, I’ll start exercising when it’s warmer out. I’ll call my friend that I haven’t talked to in a while when it’s the right time. Don’t wait. Start today; stretch and do some sit-ups inside, call your friend just because.
Life is too short to put things off. If you feel like doing something, go do it. It’s like winning the lottery. And when Publisher’s Clearing House knocks on my door to announce my grand prize winning, I’ll have to ask them to hurry up, because I”ll be too busy living life.
What about you? What have you been putting off? What are you going to commit to today?
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Gaining Confidence and Success Through Visualization

March 18, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Gaining Confidence and Success Through VisualizationWe are more confident when we are in comfortable situations. When we’re surrounded by people and places we know, it gives us a sense of security. We feel relaxed, loose. We perform better under these conditions.
The unknown, although I wouldn’t call it terrifying, scares me. It makes my heart rate go up. My mind races about the endless possibilities. Anything could happen. Even though a lot of good things could happen, I tend to think of the negative consequences. Its unnecessary worry.
But, what if you put yourself into a situation where you could be more comfortable, even if you haven’t been in that real-life situation before?
I’ve found that visualization is a tremendous tool. It’s helped me feel more confident in situations that would have caused me great anxiety without it.
I started using this technique about 30 years ago. I was a baseball fanatic and had dreams of being a major league player. Back then we didn’t have the facilities that we have today, so I used to practice in my bedroom during the winter months.
I would pretend I was in the batters box, facing the pitcher. Most of the time I had a bat in my hand, but sometimes I didn’t. I would visualize my entire trip to the plate. Not everything was a strike and I would visualize how different pitches would come in, and visualize how a pitcher would try to work me, set me up. Would he throw a curve here, a fastball, a change-up? I would have to adjust my swing to where the pitch came in and the pitch that was thrown.
It was good practice for those months when I couldn’t go outside and hit a live baseball. When spring would come around and a new season would begin, I was confident that I could hit anything that was thrown my way in actual games. I had prepared myself through my mental preparation with the visualization techniques.
I’ve used this visualization technique throughout my life. When I’ve had to give presentations, prepare for interviews, when I know I’m going to meet people. I play the scenario in my head before I am in the situation. It helps me to be more confident.
I also use it in another sport now, golf. I go over the holes in my head before I play them. What will each shot look when I play it? Then when I’m on the course, I’m confident that I can replicate the same result. Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods are just a few of the greats that have used visualization to fuel their success.
Visualization has helped me. Let me know about your experiences with visualization. I’d love to know.  
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Who Matters to You?

March 11, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Who Matters to You?I spent some time this past weekend cleaning up my Twitter account. Apparently there’s some magic formula where you can’t follow a certain amount of people more than people who follow you. So I went through the list, and decided to un-follow anyone who wasn’t providing value to me. It gave me space to follow new people; people who matter to me.

It was interesting to go through the list; some people I have a personal connection with, so those are most valuable. Then there are those that share awesome information. I enjoy reading what they post and I learn a lot from them. They were keepers.

Some people don’t tweet much. Some people just tweet garbage. I don’t need to fill my life with junk. It was easy to un-follow them.
Then there are those that I follow, but didn’t follow me back. I liken this to the person who wants to tell you everything about their life, but doesn’t want to hear anything about yours. We’ve all known these types of people. If you give your time and energy to someone and they don’t reciprocate, it’s acceptable to cut the cord. In most cases its probably necessary. You don’t need to give your time and attention to people who aren’t going to give theirs in return.
Though I was cleaning up my Twitter account, it made me think of the people I have in my life. I want the people who matter the most to have the most involvement in my life. Those that take up my energy without providing any sort of nourishment or enlightenment in return I don’t need around.
It also made me think about whether I’m adding value to others. Do I provide enough support and encouragement? I try to, but it’s something I can do better with. I will make a conscious decision to give more of myself to those who need it.
Every relationship is a two way street. If you want to grow, be happier, be inspired, be with people who make you feel those things. Don’t devote time to people who bring you down or suck the energy out of you. Be with people that matter. Be with people who allow you to be the best version of yourself. Find out who matters to you and be with them.
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4 Lessons from the Oscars on Achieving Life-Long Dreams

March 4, 2014 by Leave a Comment

4 Lessons from the Oscars on Achieving Life-Long DreamsWatching the Academy Awards I was struck by the speeches of the winners. I could sense the struggles everyone went through; the rejection, the under-appreciation, the menial jobs, the ramen noodle diets, all in the pursuit of achieving their life-long dreams.

Here are the four lessons I learned from watching the Oscars on achieving life-long dreams.
1) No one is going to hand you anything. You need to go for it yourself. Actors aren’t asked to audition, writers aren’t discovered at the coffee house, cinematographers aren’t found on Instagram. Everyone who won an Oscar, went to Hollywood and worked for it. They probably spent years perfecting their craft, at home, with their friends, at school. But, in order to do what they wanted to do, they did what they needed to; they went to endless auditions before someone said yes, they submitted countless scripts before an agent said “maybe”, they took meeting after meeting showing their work before they were asked on set. Each and every person nominated, and those not nominated, didn’t sit back and wait to be discovered. They went out and discovered who they needed to connect with in order to do the work they loved.
2) Be a role model for rejection. How many “no’s” do you think these people heard before they got a “yes?” For some, it’s hundreds of times. Can you imagine hearing “no” 500 times in a row? How do you get yourself up to go to the next audition? It didn’t mean anyone was lacking in talent. It might have been that the timing wasn’t right, something about their delivery was off, their look wasn’t right, or maybe they weren’t in front of the right audience. Eventually, someone was the first person to say “yes.”
3) Learn to sacrifice, a lot. Not many of the people in that auditorium grew up in Hollywood. It means that in order to achieve their dreams, they had to pack their bags, leave their friends and families behind and start a new life somewhere unfamiliar. It was either fail or go home. There were odd jobs, crummy apartments, loneliness. How many people get off that bus on Sunset Boulevard and end up getting back on the bus a year or two later to go back home? I’m guessing there’s 1000 of those people for every one that stays. Some got homesick, some couldn’t deal with rejection, some found out they weren’t that talented after all, some found out they have other dreams. To pursue your dreams takes a lot of personal sacrifice.
4) Success does not happen overnight. There aren’t many overnight successes. Even if they are making their first film; an entire life’s work and experience went into shaping their career. There’s a back story that we never know about. We don’t know how long someone has been working at their craft. No one achieves success overnight.
The ones who held that Oscar in their hands after their name was called, had a lot of things fall into place for them and a lot of luck, but they also put in their hard work; their blood, sweat, and tears, literally. Think of that type of dedication the next time someone tells you “no” or you feel like people should be noticing your work. Maybe you need to draw attention to yourself and all the great work you’re doing. Not everyone knows how awesome you are, yet.
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Resistance and Growing Pains

February 25, 2014 by 2 Comments
Resistance and Growing PainsI like stability and predictability in my life. It’s comfortable and safe. But, when I push myself to do things I’ve never done before or venture into the unknown, it offers tremendous growth. I can tell when I’m changing, pushing myself into new territory, because I feel uncomfortable, more tense, and also scared.
The exciting thing about this is that I feel like I’m on the edge of something huge. I can tell I’m growing. Growing pains are never easy but absolutely necessary to achieve major breakthroughs.
It’s difficult to keep fighting through all the discomfort. It would be easy at that point to say, “to hell with it.” Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art, calls this struggle resistance. This is exactly when you need to keep working at it, because resistance is the signal that tells you something important is about to happen. Don’t succumb to the thought of waiting, or putting it off for another day.
There’s a quote of Pressfield’s that I have at my desk, written on a piece of paper; “Did you meet resistance today?” It’s a good reminder. There are so many distractions, so many things trying to throw us off our game. But, if we work through those challenges we’ll be surprised that that’s where the growth happens. So, we have to step up and do it, even when we don’t feel like it.
At that moment when you need to toughen and keep moving forward you also have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to open up to that fact that you don’t know what will happen. That’s the paradox; being tough and vulnerable simultaneously.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but I can’t wait to see what it is. For now, I’m going to push myself to keep going. There’s something right on the other side of these growing pains that could turn out to be something special.
Have you ever done something outside of your comfort zone? What were the results when you did that? Were you better off for having done it?
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