Five Lessons I Learned When My Job Was Eliminated

May 27, 2014 by 2 Comments

Lessons I Learned from Being BlindsidedLast Thursday was like any other; I got up, went to work, and started my day. Mid-morning, my boss asked to see me. I walked into his office and when I turned the corner I noticed our HR Manager was there and my eyes got wide. I took a seat and was told that because of the way the business was going and job consolidation, he had eliminated my job. HR walked me through some paperwork, I packed my belongings, and was escorted out the door. I got in my car and drove home. I was in shock. 

Friday when I woke up the shock was gone and I could look at things objectively. I started to game plan my immediate future.
Here are five lessons I learned when when my job was eliminated:
1) Look at the Positive – Find what you’re grateful for and focus on that. What can you take from the experience? How does that affect you?
I was given a great opportunity while working there. I learned so many things and met so many valuable people. Being in such environment inspired me to chase a life long dream and get an MBA in Marketing along the way. It made me grow personally and professionally.  I am a different person today (I would even say a better person) than I was the day I started. I can move into my next adventure with the utmost confidence.
2) Close the Door – Don’t dwell on what happened. Stop the internal conversations with yourself. They won’t change anything. Realize, it is what it is.
The day after, my mind continued to follow tasks that were in progress and I was responsible for at work.  I realized I needed to let it go.  I was not working for them anymore, although I was excited about so many of the projects I was involved in.  I needed to close the door and move on. I had to break off my relationship with that job and put it in the past. I couldn’t start a new chapter of my life if I didn’t let go of the previous one.
3) Friends and Family Make Things Better – Don’t try to handle things by yourself. Reach out and be open to help. It’s there if you ask for it. You may be surprised how many people are there for you. Who can you rely on when things get rough?
My wife is incredibly supportive. She was able to help me see that this was the start of something even better.
My mom and sister made me feel better, reminding me of all my strengths and skills. They assured me that new opportunities were awaiting. Dad said my MBA was reason enough to grow and move on.
Calls and texts from my friends made me feel supported and cared for. I could feel the love and it helped me get through quite a difficult day. 
4) You Create Your Future – You are the architect of your life. Don’t let anyone or anything stand in your way.
Friday when I woke up I felt better. In fact, I felt free. I thought about what I would put on business cards for networking – anything I wanted! I could create the kind of future I wanted. If there was ever a time to do it, now was it!
5) Structure Your Day – Devote a certain amount of time each day to things that help you grow. For me it will be time dedicated to my job search, improving my resume, and bolstering skills that employers are looking for. I need to take advantage of my time.
Yes, I was blindsided by having my job eliminated, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get back up and move on. Getting knocked down is a part of life. It’s how you get back up that determines whether you’re in charge. It also determines what happens next. Here’s to bigger and better things ahead!
Have you ever been blindsided? How did you deal with it? What did you learn?
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Starting from Scratch

May 20, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Starting from ScratchThis past weekend I went golfing with my good friend Andy. Before hitting the course we hit the driving range. He wanted to work on my iron shots and chipping, which have been all over the place lately. So, we did what needed to be done, we started from scratch. He showed me how to swing my irons as if I’ve never golfed before. He had me start with the basics. 

The first thing he did was pull out his phone and show me photos of Ernie Els, who has a similar build to me, and showed me how he stands. That’s how I should look, he said.

He had me address the ball. When I lined up to take my shot he put a club behind my heels and asked me to step away and take a look where I was aiming. When I stepped back and looked down, my alignment was way off. There’s no way I could have hit the ball where I thought I was going to hit it.
We often think about our goals and the road ahead and we think we have a good idea of what we’re doing, but we don’t take a step back to see where we’re really aiming. That’s why when someone says something we deem as negative we get upset. They may be stating the obvious. But, it isn’t to us because they have a different perspective.
We worked on hitting the ball next. He had me take a baseball swing with the club. That’s natural for me. The club just comes around. Same thing with it when it comes in contact with the ball. It’s natural. It’s like a pendulum. If it goes up, it’ll come down and you don’t need to reinvent anything.
He asked me to toss a ball out into the range. He asked how I could do that so well. Why didn’t I drop the ball or mess up? It’s because I didn’t think about it, I just did it. When we over-think things we’re not loose, we’re tight and constricted. He gave me advice that Ernie Els uses before hit strikes the ball; he does a little wiggle of his shoulders to make sure he’s loose.
We went to practice my chipping. Again, we just let the pendulum do it’s thing. I don’t have to use my wrists to strike the ball. I form a triangle with my arms and swing the club back and forth. Further back to hit the ball farther, not so much to hit it shorter. The physics of the club will make the ball go in the air. I don’t have to worry about anything but the triangle and how far back I take the club.
When we went to the golf course, he gave me reminders before every iron shot or chipping scenario. The lesson earlier helped me put together my first complete round of golf in a while. It was the most satisfying round of golf I’ve had in a year.
If you’re stuck and you don’t know what to do and nothing seems familiar, starting from scratch might be the answer. The more you get involved in a project that doesn’t seem to be moving, start over. Re-learning what you already know might make you see things in a different way, and lead to more personal fulfillment and success.
Have you ever tried to start from scratch? What was the result?
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The Freedom to Experiment

May 13, 2014 by 2 Comments

The Freedom to ExperimentWe’re told early on in life that we need to stay in the lines, don’t be sloppy, be neat. We can’t do things differently than others; that we need to blend in. But, if we aren’t given the chance to experiment, we’ll never know what we are capable of achieving. How do you learn to take leaps into the unknown when so much emphasis today is placed on being perfect? 

While at college, my poetry professor, Doug Flaherty, talked about how he gathered all his poems once and burned them all. This way he wasn’t attached to the work he had done. He could re-invent himself. Plus, he knew he’d write more poems so he’d soon have another portfolio.

I did this, or something like that at the time; I threw out some of my poems. I cheated a bit and kept the ones I thought were good. But, it was a symbolic gesture and I felt like I was getting rid of a part of me I didn’t need. I felt like something new was going to happen after I did that. And something did happen, I started to write good poetry. I was getting better through practice anyway, but I didn’t have to judge myself against the inferior work of my amateur self.
Another way to break free is to pretend to be someone else for a bit. When the Beatles stopped touring in 1966 they didn’t want to be Beatles anymore, so for their next album they pretended to be a different band. They could record anything they wanted without having to sound like The Beatles. It gave them the freedom to experiment and in the process they ended up creating Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Who could you pretend to be? What pseudonym would you give yourself? What would you work on?
People are going to judge you whether you try something new or not, so don’t worry about what others think. Give yourself the creative license to live life how you want.
Who knows what you’ll create when you give yourself the freedom to experiment. Life isn’t about perfection. We can try new ways of doing things, new hobbies, or new careers. We won’t be great at anything immediately but we’ll learn along the way. The journey to self-discovery is the greatest freedom we can give ourselves.

 

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Staying Focused

May 6, 2014 by 2 Comments

Staying FocusedThis past weekend I went on a golf outing with some friends. Golf is a challenging game. There are the physical components to it; you have to be lined up to the ball properly, take the proper swing, etc, but the main part of the game is mental.

Golf forces you to concentrate on the moment; the shot at hand. When I think about hitting a good shot and focus on that I can often do it. But, when I think about the previous shot or the next shot, it affects my score – negatively.

The thing about golf is, you can’t look ahead and you can’t dwell on what happened earlier. The moment before you is the only moment that exists and it’s the only moment that dictates what happens next.
Focus is also critical to have a rewarding life. If we get too hung up on the past or we think about the future too much we drift through the present, then we wonder how we ended up where we did.
In golf, the scorecard is there to remind you how well you played. For me it shows how well you focused. It shows you what you did right and what needs improvement.
I think it would be helpful to have a daily living scorecard. Each day we could see where are successes and missteps are. It could remind us to stay focused, to not get distracted. It could help us to live the moment in front of us as the most important moment there is; because in the end, it’s all we have.
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What Can You Learn from Rejection?

April 29, 2014 by Leave a Comment

What Can You Learn from Rejection?None of us likes being rejected. We often take it personally. If we get rejected, we often feel like we are a complete and utter failure, even when they are only criticizing one small aspect of us. If we took a step back, we could ask ourselves if there’s anything we can learn from the rejection. 

I place rejection in two categories, the first is someone who rejects us where it has nothing to do with us. There are those people who display their power every chance they get, and offering a negative critique is part of their arsenal. Unfortunately, we have to take this type of rejection for what it is; someone on a power trip and you’re the target. Ignore these people and their comments. It’s better to take feedback from people you trust anyway.  

The other type of rejection is truly constructive criticism. It’s a rejection, but there’s something in the feedback that you can work with. This type of rejection can help us grow as a person and grow our skills. Often it takes time though for us to hear the true value of what was said. It’s normal to discredit their feedback with a comment like, “that person doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”   

We don’t want to admit that the person who rejected us was right. But, it’s extremely important to examine what they’re saying about your skills or efforts. Take a look at it from their point of view. I remember when I had a screenplay of mine read by a professional. During our hour-long session my coach kept going over things that were weak in my script. It was hard to hear, but after a day or two I realized what she was telling me was helpful. It made me a better writer and it made the script stronger, so much so that it went on to take second place in a screenwriting competition.  

If your work is rejected, look for the opportunity to get something out of it. Sometimes you get turned down for a job without any feedback. If there’s something in the back of your mind that you could have done better, make sure that next time you correct it.  

Learn from the feedback people give you. It’ll help make you a stronger more well-equipped version of yourself. 

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What Playing the Bluebird Café Taught Me About Being the Best

April 22, 2014 by 3 Comments
What Playing the Bluebird Café Taught Me About Being the BestIn 1998, I went to play the famous Bluebird Café in Nashville, TN. If you’ve never been there, the atmosphere is intimate. It’s dark and cozy, and it only holds about 90 people. Many stars were discovered there; Garth Brooks, Kenny Chesney, and Keith Urban to name a few. At the time, I thought about moving to Nashville and making it as a songwriter. The Bluebird Café was the place to go and judge where I stood against every other aspiring songwriter. It still is.
Every Monday is open mic night, when all the amateurs get to showcase their talent. When I showed up the turn out was huge. There were people in line from all over the country, some had just gotten to town that day! I didn’t make it to the stage that night, but luckily I was still in town the following Monday, so I was assured of playing then.
When I got my chance to go onstage, I was nervous. I played two songs to polite applause. The thing is, songwriters pull for other songwriters. They aren’t the ones in the spot light generally; unless they also happen to be an artist, and the general atmosphere was “let’s support each other and listen to some great tunes.”  It was an amazing experience.
I saw and heard some impressive, and some not so impressive, singer/songwriters during the two Monday nights I was there. Some songs were so well crafted that I could already hear them being played on the radio, they were that good. Some were just plain forgettable.
Of the roughly 100 songs I heard (50 songwriters singing two songs each), I placed my songs somewhere in the middle of the pack. Though there were mostly country songs sung (I was more a pop/rock songwriter), songs are songs to me. I was better than average if I broke it down by genre.
It was a big lesson. I thought I’d come in there and people would be blown away by my songs and I’d be discovered. Granted, this probably wasn’t the best venue for my material, but it was still putting my work up against the best.
I’m sure every Monday night half of the songwriters on the stage at the Bluebird Café are playing it for the first time. Many people have the same dreams. I bet a lot of them are the best songwriters in their hometown. When you line up against the best of the best it’s not so easy to stand out. It shows how tough competition is.
It’s good to be confident in your abilities. Playing the Bluebird Café didn’t make me think any less of myself as a songwriter. It presented me with a great opportunity to see what other songwriters are doing.
If I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t know how I stacked up against other songwriters. We all want to know that we’re competent. Performing at the Bluebird Café verified that I was. If you never measure yourself against the real world how will you know whether you’re on track, you need an adjustment, or you need to try something else entirely.
It’s like those singers who audition on American Idol who have been told their entire lives that they’re talented, but when they can’t sing and they get rejected they are shocked. There’s no better barometer of your talent than going up against others who do what you do. It can reassure you or it can open your eyes.
That being said, there’s always someone out there who can do what you do better than you can, but they can’t do it exactly like you. That’s the thing. You bring your talents to the world, no matter what they are, in a special way that no one else can.
So, don’t give up when it seems like you aren’t succeeding or aren’t stacking up against others the way you think you should. If you are being the best version of you possible, that’s the best you can hope to accomplish. Others will flock to you for that.
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Living on Autopilot

April 15, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Living on AutopilotOur lives are often on autopilot. We slip into a routine and that guides us. We do things in the same order everyday and we can seemingly coast through the day. If something disrupts the order that we’re used to, we’re thrown off kilter. I’ve gotten thrown off and forgotten to shave in the morning, or gotten out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair. Sometimes I wonder how I got home because I don’t even remember the commute!
You know when something doesn’t feel right, but you don’t want to investigate what it is or maybe you’re frightened by the answer you’ll uncover if you do dig deeper into it. If you know what’s wrong you may need to interrupt that momentum that we all have, and that takes work.
I’ve been in jobs where I felt like that. I knew something wasn’t right, but if I questioned it I’d have to figure out what wasn’t right, look at what was, find out if I wanted to change something, if I had the ability to. If I found out I needed to leave the job, I’d have to find out what I wanted to do, re-do my resume, apply for jobs, interview, start at someplace new. All of that takes hard work.
But, making a change is always hard work. You have to decide whether staying where you are is scarier than leaving. This applies to jobs and careers, relationships (is the relationship enriching you and helping you grow as a person or is it holding you back?), where you live (are there better opportunities in another city or do you need to downsize or maybe move into a larger house?).
Maybe coasting is alright, but that generally means that life is coming at you and you’re playing defense; you’re taking whatever comes your way instead of dictating to life what it should be. Life is more fulfilling if you have a say in what happens.
Think about what making the change means? What will it change in your life? It’s not making a change for change’s sake, it’s making the change to create a different life than you have now.
I did that with a job I didn’t like. I knew the time was right to cut the cord. Staying there was soul-killing. It was scary leading up to that moment, but when I knew it was the right thing to leave, it was very freeing.
It’s good to reevaluate from time to time. Living on autopilot isn’t very rewarding. Once you decide on a new route, life can be fueled by your own positive momentum instead of inertia.
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The World Doesn’t Owe You Anything

April 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment
The World Doesn't Owe You AnythingI went through a phase in my life where I was frustrated by my lack of success. I thought, “When I’m discovered, then things will be different.” When I learned the truth that the world is never going to discover me. It made it easier to deal with. I was waiting for the world to hand me something just because I wanted it. Even if I hadn’t really earned it. (There’s also another lesson in there about how you define success, but I’ll save that for another time.)
The reality is, that the world doesn’t owe me anything. It doesn’t owe you anything. But, here’s the catch, once you stop waiting around to be discovered and you put in the effort to do your best, at whatever it is you are good at, the universe will conspire to help you.
It’s funny how when you attempt to make a change, other people will cross your path seemingly by accident or coincidence that can help you reach the next step in your development or journey. This doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because it needs to happen.
So, while you’re waiting around complaining that people aren’t giving you a break, or that you aren’t getting noticed at work or in your industry, step back and think about what you are doing to change that.
It’s critical to make your intention known. Do others know what your goals are? When you meet someone, do you tell them what you’re working on? They could end up being a huge support, or they could know someone who might be a valuable resource for you.
You need to “make” people discover you. They aren’t looking for you on purpose. There are people that want what you have to offer, but you need to figure out a way to get in front of them.
If you’re a writer and the rejection letters from agents and publishers are piling up higher than the snow during a Polar Vortex, do you let that stop you? No, you self-publish your work. You give it life beyond a file folder on your computer. If you’re a musician with dreams of playing huge arenas, you start playing small clubs or coffee houses. You put your songs on iTunes. You don’t wait for permission to do it, you do it.
Do you meet with others who are doing what you want to do? Do you belong to groups in your industry or profession? It’s important to be around others who share the same vision that you do and know what it’s like to go through what you’re going through. Not only do you learn a lot, but they inspire you as well. You may even inspire someone yourself. Think about that!
Magical things will happen when you put yourself out there. You’re rewarded for sticking your neck out there. When you do that, the universe knows that you are serious about your goals and that’s when the universe sets things in motion to help you.
Armed with knowledge, passion, and energy there’s nothing that will hold you back. So, what are you waiting for?
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Hanging on to Regrets

April 1, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Hanging on to RegretsHanging on to regrets keeps us living in the past.
It’s dangerous to go back and second guess yourself; especially doing it over and over. There’s a reason you made that decision, at that time. You weren’t ready for the consequences of the other choice. That’s all.
Armed with the knowledge that you now have, you can make better decisions going forward, if you let go of what you’ve already done. Don’t worry about whether you’ll have regrets about that decision later. If the decision empowers you, do it. I believe that we often know what to do, if we take the time to listen closely to what life is trying to tell us.
Here’s an exercise to try. Write down your regrets on a piece of paper and then go outside and burn it. Have a ceremony around it. Lite the paper, watch it catch fire, and follow the smoke and ashes rise into the air. Celebrate that those regrets will no longer have any power over you.
Just thinking about it makes me feel lighter. The physical act of seeing the regrets get incinerated will feel even better.
Spring signals a new beginning. We’re already in the mindset to move forward. Now is the perfect time to leave your regrets behind and start to blossom.
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Gaining Confidence and Success Through Visualization

March 18, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Gaining Confidence and Success Through VisualizationWe are more confident when we are in comfortable situations. When we’re surrounded by people and places we know, it gives us a sense of security. We feel relaxed, loose. We perform better under these conditions.
The unknown, although I wouldn’t call it terrifying, scares me. It makes my heart rate go up. My mind races about the endless possibilities. Anything could happen. Even though a lot of good things could happen, I tend to think of the negative consequences. Its unnecessary worry.
But, what if you put yourself into a situation where you could be more comfortable, even if you haven’t been in that real-life situation before?
I’ve found that visualization is a tremendous tool. It’s helped me feel more confident in situations that would have caused me great anxiety without it.
I started using this technique about 30 years ago. I was a baseball fanatic and had dreams of being a major league player. Back then we didn’t have the facilities that we have today, so I used to practice in my bedroom during the winter months.
I would pretend I was in the batters box, facing the pitcher. Most of the time I had a bat in my hand, but sometimes I didn’t. I would visualize my entire trip to the plate. Not everything was a strike and I would visualize how different pitches would come in, and visualize how a pitcher would try to work me, set me up. Would he throw a curve here, a fastball, a change-up? I would have to adjust my swing to where the pitch came in and the pitch that was thrown.
It was good practice for those months when I couldn’t go outside and hit a live baseball. When spring would come around and a new season would begin, I was confident that I could hit anything that was thrown my way in actual games. I had prepared myself through my mental preparation with the visualization techniques.
I’ve used this visualization technique throughout my life. When I’ve had to give presentations, prepare for interviews, when I know I’m going to meet people. I play the scenario in my head before I am in the situation. It helps me to be more confident.
I also use it in another sport now, golf. I go over the holes in my head before I play them. What will each shot look when I play it? Then when I’m on the course, I’m confident that I can replicate the same result. Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods are just a few of the greats that have used visualization to fuel their success.
Visualization has helped me. Let me know about your experiences with visualization. I’d love to know.  
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