What Can You Learn from Rejection?

April 29, 2014 by Leave a Comment

What Can You Learn from Rejection?None of us likes being rejected. We often take it personally. If we get rejected, we often feel like we are a complete and utter failure, even when they are only criticizing one small aspect of us. If we took a step back, we could ask ourselves if there’s anything we can learn from the rejection. 

I place rejection in two categories, the first is someone who rejects us where it has nothing to do with us. There are those people who display their power every chance they get, and offering a negative critique is part of their arsenal. Unfortunately, we have to take this type of rejection for what it is; someone on a power trip and you’re the target. Ignore these people and their comments. It’s better to take feedback from people you trust anyway.  

The other type of rejection is truly constructive criticism. It’s a rejection, but there’s something in the feedback that you can work with. This type of rejection can help us grow as a person and grow our skills. Often it takes time though for us to hear the true value of what was said. It’s normal to discredit their feedback with a comment like, “that person doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”   

We don’t want to admit that the person who rejected us was right. But, it’s extremely important to examine what they’re saying about your skills or efforts. Take a look at it from their point of view. I remember when I had a screenplay of mine read by a professional. During our hour-long session my coach kept going over things that were weak in my script. It was hard to hear, but after a day or two I realized what she was telling me was helpful. It made me a better writer and it made the script stronger, so much so that it went on to take second place in a screenwriting competition.  

If your work is rejected, look for the opportunity to get something out of it. Sometimes you get turned down for a job without any feedback. If there’s something in the back of your mind that you could have done better, make sure that next time you correct it.  

Learn from the feedback people give you. It’ll help make you a stronger more well-equipped version of yourself. 

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Living on Autopilot

April 15, 2014 by Leave a Comment
Living on AutopilotOur lives are often on autopilot. We slip into a routine and that guides us. We do things in the same order everyday and we can seemingly coast through the day. If something disrupts the order that we’re used to, we’re thrown off kilter. I’ve gotten thrown off and forgotten to shave in the morning, or gotten out of the shower with shampoo still in my hair. Sometimes I wonder how I got home because I don’t even remember the commute!
You know when something doesn’t feel right, but you don’t want to investigate what it is or maybe you’re frightened by the answer you’ll uncover if you do dig deeper into it. If you know what’s wrong you may need to interrupt that momentum that we all have, and that takes work.
I’ve been in jobs where I felt like that. I knew something wasn’t right, but if I questioned it I’d have to figure out what wasn’t right, look at what was, find out if I wanted to change something, if I had the ability to. If I found out I needed to leave the job, I’d have to find out what I wanted to do, re-do my resume, apply for jobs, interview, start at someplace new. All of that takes hard work.
But, making a change is always hard work. You have to decide whether staying where you are is scarier than leaving. This applies to jobs and careers, relationships (is the relationship enriching you and helping you grow as a person or is it holding you back?), where you live (are there better opportunities in another city or do you need to downsize or maybe move into a larger house?).
Maybe coasting is alright, but that generally means that life is coming at you and you’re playing defense; you’re taking whatever comes your way instead of dictating to life what it should be. Life is more fulfilling if you have a say in what happens.
Think about what making the change means? What will it change in your life? It’s not making a change for change’s sake, it’s making the change to create a different life than you have now.
I did that with a job I didn’t like. I knew the time was right to cut the cord. Staying there was soul-killing. It was scary leading up to that moment, but when I knew it was the right thing to leave, it was very freeing.
It’s good to reevaluate from time to time. Living on autopilot isn’t very rewarding. Once you decide on a new route, life can be fueled by your own positive momentum instead of inertia.
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The World Doesn’t Owe You Anything

April 8, 2014 by Leave a Comment
The World Doesn't Owe You AnythingI went through a phase in my life where I was frustrated by my lack of success. I thought, “When I’m discovered, then things will be different.” When I learned the truth that the world is never going to discover me. It made it easier to deal with. I was waiting for the world to hand me something just because I wanted it. Even if I hadn’t really earned it. (There’s also another lesson in there about how you define success, but I’ll save that for another time.)
The reality is, that the world doesn’t owe me anything. It doesn’t owe you anything. But, here’s the catch, once you stop waiting around to be discovered and you put in the effort to do your best, at whatever it is you are good at, the universe will conspire to help you.
It’s funny how when you attempt to make a change, other people will cross your path seemingly by accident or coincidence that can help you reach the next step in your development or journey. This doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because it needs to happen.
So, while you’re waiting around complaining that people aren’t giving you a break, or that you aren’t getting noticed at work or in your industry, step back and think about what you are doing to change that.
It’s critical to make your intention known. Do others know what your goals are? When you meet someone, do you tell them what you’re working on? They could end up being a huge support, or they could know someone who might be a valuable resource for you.
You need to “make” people discover you. They aren’t looking for you on purpose. There are people that want what you have to offer, but you need to figure out a way to get in front of them.
If you’re a writer and the rejection letters from agents and publishers are piling up higher than the snow during a Polar Vortex, do you let that stop you? No, you self-publish your work. You give it life beyond a file folder on your computer. If you’re a musician with dreams of playing huge arenas, you start playing small clubs or coffee houses. You put your songs on iTunes. You don’t wait for permission to do it, you do it.
Do you meet with others who are doing what you want to do? Do you belong to groups in your industry or profession? It’s important to be around others who share the same vision that you do and know what it’s like to go through what you’re going through. Not only do you learn a lot, but they inspire you as well. You may even inspire someone yourself. Think about that!
Magical things will happen when you put yourself out there. You’re rewarded for sticking your neck out there. When you do that, the universe knows that you are serious about your goals and that’s when the universe sets things in motion to help you.
Armed with knowledge, passion, and energy there’s nothing that will hold you back. So, what are you waiting for?
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When I Win the Lottery

March 25, 2014 by 1 Comment
When I Win the LotteryI’ve been thinking lately about what I would do when I win the lottery. It started when I sent back my Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes entry. I could win $7,000 a week for life. That’s $364,000 a year! That’s way more than I make now. That’d be sweet.
I thought about what would I do if I won that kind of money. After thinking about it, I decided I’d like to write more, publish my work, record an album of my music, travel, exercise more, help more people, spend time with more of my friends. When it came down to it, the things I wanted to do once I hit the jackpot didn’t require more money; they required more action.

Sure, I wouldn’t mind having more money. I could find ways to spend it, but I don’t need that in order to live a fulfilling life. I just have to commit to living life on my terms. No one is stopping me from doing it. The only thing that’s holding me back is me.
So, here’s the question I need to ask myself, “What could I do today that would fulfill at least one of those items from my list?” If I can do that, then I’m living on my terms. Then tomorrow I ask myself the same question. Soon, momentum will build to where I’ll just be doing what I want that creates the life of my dreams.
I don’t need to wait for something to happen before I can live my life. I need to throw away the excuse, “I’ll start (blank) when (blank). You know the kind, I’ll start exercising when it’s warmer out. I’ll call my friend that I haven’t talked to in a while when it’s the right time. Don’t wait. Start today; stretch and do some sit-ups inside, call your friend just because.
Life is too short to put things off. If you feel like doing something, go do it. It’s like winning the lottery. And when Publisher’s Clearing House knocks on my door to announce my grand prize winning, I’ll have to ask them to hurry up, because I”ll be too busy living life.
What about you? What have you been putting off? What are you going to commit to today?
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4 Lessons from the Oscars on Achieving Life-Long Dreams

March 4, 2014 by Leave a Comment

4 Lessons from the Oscars on Achieving Life-Long DreamsWatching the Academy Awards I was struck by the speeches of the winners. I could sense the struggles everyone went through; the rejection, the under-appreciation, the menial jobs, the ramen noodle diets, all in the pursuit of achieving their life-long dreams.

Here are the four lessons I learned from watching the Oscars on achieving life-long dreams.
1) No one is going to hand you anything. You need to go for it yourself. Actors aren’t asked to audition, writers aren’t discovered at the coffee house, cinematographers aren’t found on Instagram. Everyone who won an Oscar, went to Hollywood and worked for it. They probably spent years perfecting their craft, at home, with their friends, at school. But, in order to do what they wanted to do, they did what they needed to; they went to endless auditions before someone said yes, they submitted countless scripts before an agent said “maybe”, they took meeting after meeting showing their work before they were asked on set. Each and every person nominated, and those not nominated, didn’t sit back and wait to be discovered. They went out and discovered who they needed to connect with in order to do the work they loved.
2) Be a role model for rejection. How many “no’s” do you think these people heard before they got a “yes?” For some, it’s hundreds of times. Can you imagine hearing “no” 500 times in a row? How do you get yourself up to go to the next audition? It didn’t mean anyone was lacking in talent. It might have been that the timing wasn’t right, something about their delivery was off, their look wasn’t right, or maybe they weren’t in front of the right audience. Eventually, someone was the first person to say “yes.”
3) Learn to sacrifice, a lot. Not many of the people in that auditorium grew up in Hollywood. It means that in order to achieve their dreams, they had to pack their bags, leave their friends and families behind and start a new life somewhere unfamiliar. It was either fail or go home. There were odd jobs, crummy apartments, loneliness. How many people get off that bus on Sunset Boulevard and end up getting back on the bus a year or two later to go back home? I’m guessing there’s 1000 of those people for every one that stays. Some got homesick, some couldn’t deal with rejection, some found out they weren’t that talented after all, some found out they have other dreams. To pursue your dreams takes a lot of personal sacrifice.
4) Success does not happen overnight. There aren’t many overnight successes. Even if they are making their first film; an entire life’s work and experience went into shaping their career. There’s a back story that we never know about. We don’t know how long someone has been working at their craft. No one achieves success overnight.
The ones who held that Oscar in their hands after their name was called, had a lot of things fall into place for them and a lot of luck, but they also put in their hard work; their blood, sweat, and tears, literally. Think of that type of dedication the next time someone tells you “no” or you feel like people should be noticing your work. Maybe you need to draw attention to yourself and all the great work you’re doing. Not everyone knows how awesome you are, yet.
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Resistance and Growing Pains

February 25, 2014 by 2 Comments
Resistance and Growing PainsI like stability and predictability in my life. It’s comfortable and safe. But, when I push myself to do things I’ve never done before or venture into the unknown, it offers tremendous growth. I can tell when I’m changing, pushing myself into new territory, because I feel uncomfortable, more tense, and also scared.
The exciting thing about this is that I feel like I’m on the edge of something huge. I can tell I’m growing. Growing pains are never easy but absolutely necessary to achieve major breakthroughs.
It’s difficult to keep fighting through all the discomfort. It would be easy at that point to say, “to hell with it.” Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art, calls this struggle resistance. This is exactly when you need to keep working at it, because resistance is the signal that tells you something important is about to happen. Don’t succumb to the thought of waiting, or putting it off for another day.
There’s a quote of Pressfield’s that I have at my desk, written on a piece of paper; “Did you meet resistance today?” It’s a good reminder. There are so many distractions, so many things trying to throw us off our game. But, if we work through those challenges we’ll be surprised that that’s where the growth happens. So, we have to step up and do it, even when we don’t feel like it.
At that moment when you need to toughen and keep moving forward you also have to make yourself vulnerable. You have to open up to that fact that you don’t know what will happen. That’s the paradox; being tough and vulnerable simultaneously.
I don’t know exactly what the future holds, but I can’t wait to see what it is. For now, I’m going to push myself to keep going. There’s something right on the other side of these growing pains that could turn out to be something special.
Have you ever done something outside of your comfort zone? What were the results when you did that? Were you better off for having done it?
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The Power of Thank You

January 7, 2014 by Leave a Comment

The Power of Thank YouI was recently talking with a friend and my memory drifted back to a night at work from 20 years ago. I happened to be in charge of the store for 2nd shift that night. 1st shift was busy that day and they weren’t able to get any of their end of shift responsibilities done. The store was a mess. We worked our butts off that night and left the store organized and tidy.

When I came into work the next day there was a note left for me from the store manager. It simply said, “Greg, Thank you! Crystal.” I knew exactly what that meant, and so did she. She could tell how hard we worked when she came in that morning. It wasn’t fancy, but her acknowledgment had an impact. 20 years later I still remember it. I still think it’s the most genuine “thank you” I’ve ever received.
Saying “thank you” is a valuable currency that many of us don’t use enough. A well-timed “thank you” has pushed me through feeling burnt out or under appreciated. We all want to feel like our efforts matter. I do, at least. Those two words can energize and inspire. Not using them can build resentment. How do you feel after giving all you’ve got and you don’t even get so much as a “thank you?” You feel taken for granted, don’t you?
Those of us with strong work ethics will work hard regardless of the work involved, the condition, or the environment. When you hear “thank you” it just makes you feel good about your contribution. If you appreciate what someone does for you, let them know. It’s something I say to everyone who helps me. It’s one reason why I think I get along with everyone so well. I even throw a little “thank you” out to the universe to start my day just so the universe knows I am grateful.
Do you have any other ways to acknowledge those who help you? What’s the best “thank you” you’ve received?
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My 3 Words for 2014

December 31, 2013 by Leave a Comment

My 3 Words for 2014I recently went to a creative space in Milwaukee called Translator. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning, they host what they call a Lab (the rest of the time Translator is a digital marketing agency). If you’re in the area you should stop by. People get together and share ideas, get advice, and help others with their problems. It’s a great place for business and creative types to meet and collaborate in a positive environment that fosters creativity. I don’t go nearly often enough.

 A recent session was held on goal setting. Many ideas were presented, but one intriguing one offered by Katie Felten, who moderated, was about Chris Brogan’s three words for the year idea. Basically you pick three words you want to be the overriding theme for the next year and live them daily. It was amazing and inspiring to hear the stories of how that’s worked for Katie and Mark Fairbanks over at Translator. There was an exercise where we wrote down three words that we wanted our next year to be about and we went around the room and discussed them.
My three words for 2014 are:
Declutter – I have way too much stuff in my house and in my life. It’s stuff that doesn’t matter. Why do I need so many shirts when I don’t wear half of them? Why are there so many empty boxes lying around? What am I going to do with them? By having so much stuff around, it doesn’t leave room for new stuff to come in.  Decluttering will be not only a physical but a mental purification. I won’t reach minimalism, but I can sure try.
Focus – I want to focus on the things I really want; the things I want to do, the things I want to spend my time on, and who I want to spend my time with. Life is very distracting; especially with TV, the internet, magazines and other media. I can easily waste away a few hours everyday without even trying. I want to eliminate those distractions. When I used to play darts I would get extremely focused on my dart throwing. I would imagine a laser going from the tip of the dart to the dart board. It had to go exactly where my focus was, there was no way around it. And when I could focus so closely as to the exact hole I wanted that dart to go to, I could get pretty darn close. I want to have this kind of focus on whatever I spend my time on or whoever I spend my time with in 2014. I think decluttering will also help a lot with this goal.
Ship – I borrowed this term from Seth Godin. It means that your ideas don’t mean anything unless you ship them, unless they make their way out into the world. As one person said at Lab, “if it doesn’t ship, it doesn’t exist.” That’s true. No one will know about my work unless I share it, and put it out into the universe. It has a chance for a life outside of my mind or the hard drive on my computer if I expose it to the rest of the world. Sure, there’s a chance that nothing happens or the work gets criticized, but there’s also a chance for it to impact people. And at least it sets you up for some unknown possibilities.
I’m excited to see what 2014 shapes up to be because of these three words. You can do this too. Write down the first three words that come to mind (there’s probably a reason they’re right at the top of your head). Put them in a place where you can see them, so you have a reminder of what the words are.
What are your three words for 2014? Why did you choose them? How do you think they’ll impact you in 2014?
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Doing the Right Thing: Is it Self-Evident?

November 19, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Doing the Right ThingIs doing the “right thing” self-evident? Is it something we all know instinctively? And if we do know what the “right thing” to do is, why don’t we do it?

I believe that as individuals, we know instinctively what the “right thing” to do is. There are countless stories of people doing amazing and often heroic things, and when asked why they did what they did, they inevitably respond, “It was the right thing to do.” They sure make it sound easy, don’t they? What holds us back, then?
The biggest barrier is time. Too much time to think makes us second guess ourselves or look at our options. We lose that immediacy with the thing we want to do. If we don’t think about something, we instinctively react. That’s why a homeless man can return $42,000 or someone can run into a burning building to save a life. They didn’t agonize over it, they just did it. When time passes doing the “right thing” loses it’s importance. We think that we’ll do it next time, or that we’re too late; someone else has probably done it already.
Another factor applies if you are a part of a larger group (it could be a family, a company, or even a government); it’s bureaucracy. You generally need to win the endorsement from one, or several key decision-makers. If you can’t get your team on the same page or some members have a different agenda, then that can cause problems. Often there are questions to be answered: How will this look to others; both inside and outside the organization? What are the costs and benefits of doing this? What are others doing? Attempts from these large bodies (especially governments) often come up short and feel hollow. The intention far outweighs the actual benefit to anyone and the best anyone can say is, “at least their heart was in the right place.”
Life is about making choices; daily, hourly, even by the minute if you really think about it. Choosing the words I typed here was a choice. Granted, most of the choices we make aren’t major life decisions, but add them up over time and they make a statement about who you are as a person.
We are too worried about making the “wrong” choice and that’s actually the obstacle. It paralyzes us from taking action, so we end up doing nothing, and feeling guilty about our inaction.
What if instead, we focused on the “doing” part. Just by doing something, anything, that’s better than doing nothing. And isn’t doing something the “right thing” to do? It’s up to you and me to do something each and every day to make the world a better place. We are the ones that make lasting impact, not by thinking about it, but by doing it.
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Nuts and Bolts

November 12, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Nuts and BoltsPart of my commute to work is on Hwy 45. There’s a new bridge being built and for months there has been a lot of activity on either side of the freeway. Recently though, there was a dramatic change; both sides of the bridge were connected. It happened quickly; over the course of two days. All that activity that doesn’t seem to matter and then, BAM, a noticeable difference.

I spotted one of the workers. He was by himself on the bridge, above the traffic. I’d like to think he was bolting it together. It needs to get done and that responsibility has to fall to someone. If you stop and think about how a bridge (or anything) is made, it starts with an idea, then plans are drawn up, you look at what steps are needed, who needs to be involved, and how it’s going to get funded. Once everyone is in place, they need to start doing things, tearing down the old structure, hauling away stuff, ordering new materials, and putting everything in place.
It’s easy to see what you want the end result to be, but how do you get there, when each day it seems like there’s so little progress? I thought there was little progress on that bridge until one side was connected to the other. When cars can drive across it, that will be the most obvious milestone that progress was made. You can see the end result of everybody’s work.
I thought about that guy bolting the bridge together; bolt by bolt. How many bolts does he have to put in place until his work is done? How many other people are doing similar jobs? It made me realize that in order to make any dream happen, I need to make sure all my nuts and bolts are put in place and tightened before I get to see the finished result. Nothing can be skipped. A book doesn’t get written overnight. It gets written one sentence, one word at a time. You don’t lose weight by willing it to happen. It takes walking around the block or eating one less cookie every day. You need to do something, each day, to move you closer to that finished creation; whether that creation is a project you are working on, or the creation is you (note: you’ll be a new person either way).
What are the nuts and bolts of what it is you’re working on at the moment? When you keep plugging away at something long enough, there will come a point where you’ll discover there’s a noticeable difference from when you started. Eventually, all those nuts and bolts you tighten will get you to the other side and you will be rewarded. You will have something to show for your effort.
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