What Playing the Bluebird Café Taught Me About Being the Best

April 22, 2014 by 3 Comments
What Playing the Bluebird Café Taught Me About Being the BestIn 1998, I went to play the famous Bluebird Café in Nashville, TN. If you’ve never been there, the atmosphere is intimate. It’s dark and cozy, and it only holds about 90 people. Many stars were discovered there; Garth Brooks, Kenny Chesney, and Keith Urban to name a few. At the time, I thought about moving to Nashville and making it as a songwriter. The Bluebird Café was the place to go and judge where I stood against every other aspiring songwriter. It still is.
Every Monday is open mic night, when all the amateurs get to showcase their talent. When I showed up the turn out was huge. There were people in line from all over the country, some had just gotten to town that day! I didn’t make it to the stage that night, but luckily I was still in town the following Monday, so I was assured of playing then.
When I got my chance to go onstage, I was nervous. I played two songs to polite applause. The thing is, songwriters pull for other songwriters. They aren’t the ones in the spot light generally; unless they also happen to be an artist, and the general atmosphere was “let’s support each other and listen to some great tunes.”  It was an amazing experience.
I saw and heard some impressive, and some not so impressive, singer/songwriters during the two Monday nights I was there. Some songs were so well crafted that I could already hear them being played on the radio, they were that good. Some were just plain forgettable.
Of the roughly 100 songs I heard (50 songwriters singing two songs each), I placed my songs somewhere in the middle of the pack. Though there were mostly country songs sung (I was more a pop/rock songwriter), songs are songs to me. I was better than average if I broke it down by genre.
It was a big lesson. I thought I’d come in there and people would be blown away by my songs and I’d be discovered. Granted, this probably wasn’t the best venue for my material, but it was still putting my work up against the best.
I’m sure every Monday night half of the songwriters on the stage at the Bluebird Café are playing it for the first time. Many people have the same dreams. I bet a lot of them are the best songwriters in their hometown. When you line up against the best of the best it’s not so easy to stand out. It shows how tough competition is.
It’s good to be confident in your abilities. Playing the Bluebird Café didn’t make me think any less of myself as a songwriter. It presented me with a great opportunity to see what other songwriters are doing.
If I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t know how I stacked up against other songwriters. We all want to know that we’re competent. Performing at the Bluebird Café verified that I was. If you never measure yourself against the real world how will you know whether you’re on track, you need an adjustment, or you need to try something else entirely.
It’s like those singers who audition on American Idol who have been told their entire lives that they’re talented, but when they can’t sing and they get rejected they are shocked. There’s no better barometer of your talent than going up against others who do what you do. It can reassure you or it can open your eyes.
That being said, there’s always someone out there who can do what you do better than you can, but they can’t do it exactly like you. That’s the thing. You bring your talents to the world, no matter what they are, in a special way that no one else can.
So, don’t give up when it seems like you aren’t succeeding or aren’t stacking up against others the way you think you should. If you are being the best version of you possible, that’s the best you can hope to accomplish. Others will flock to you for that.
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Who Matters to You?

March 11, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Who Matters to You?I spent some time this past weekend cleaning up my Twitter account. Apparently there’s some magic formula where you can’t follow a certain amount of people more than people who follow you. So I went through the list, and decided to un-follow anyone who wasn’t providing value to me. It gave me space to follow new people; people who matter to me.

It was interesting to go through the list; some people I have a personal connection with, so those are most valuable. Then there are those that share awesome information. I enjoy reading what they post and I learn a lot from them. They were keepers.

Some people don’t tweet much. Some people just tweet garbage. I don’t need to fill my life with junk. It was easy to un-follow them.
Then there are those that I follow, but didn’t follow me back. I liken this to the person who wants to tell you everything about their life, but doesn’t want to hear anything about yours. We’ve all known these types of people. If you give your time and energy to someone and they don’t reciprocate, it’s acceptable to cut the cord. In most cases its probably necessary. You don’t need to give your time and attention to people who aren’t going to give theirs in return.
Though I was cleaning up my Twitter account, it made me think of the people I have in my life. I want the people who matter the most to have the most involvement in my life. Those that take up my energy without providing any sort of nourishment or enlightenment in return I don’t need around.
It also made me think about whether I’m adding value to others. Do I provide enough support and encouragement? I try to, but it’s something I can do better with. I will make a conscious decision to give more of myself to those who need it.
Every relationship is a two way street. If you want to grow, be happier, be inspired, be with people who make you feel those things. Don’t devote time to people who bring you down or suck the energy out of you. Be with people that matter. Be with people who allow you to be the best version of yourself. Find out who matters to you and be with them.
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4 Lessons from the Oscars on Achieving Life-Long Dreams

March 4, 2014 by Leave a Comment

4 Lessons from the Oscars on Achieving Life-Long DreamsWatching the Academy Awards I was struck by the speeches of the winners. I could sense the struggles everyone went through; the rejection, the under-appreciation, the menial jobs, the ramen noodle diets, all in the pursuit of achieving their life-long dreams.

Here are the four lessons I learned from watching the Oscars on achieving life-long dreams.
1) No one is going to hand you anything. You need to go for it yourself. Actors aren’t asked to audition, writers aren’t discovered at the coffee house, cinematographers aren’t found on Instagram. Everyone who won an Oscar, went to Hollywood and worked for it. They probably spent years perfecting their craft, at home, with their friends, at school. But, in order to do what they wanted to do, they did what they needed to; they went to endless auditions before someone said yes, they submitted countless scripts before an agent said “maybe”, they took meeting after meeting showing their work before they were asked on set. Each and every person nominated, and those not nominated, didn’t sit back and wait to be discovered. They went out and discovered who they needed to connect with in order to do the work they loved.
2) Be a role model for rejection. How many “no’s” do you think these people heard before they got a “yes?” For some, it’s hundreds of times. Can you imagine hearing “no” 500 times in a row? How do you get yourself up to go to the next audition? It didn’t mean anyone was lacking in talent. It might have been that the timing wasn’t right, something about their delivery was off, their look wasn’t right, or maybe they weren’t in front of the right audience. Eventually, someone was the first person to say “yes.”
3) Learn to sacrifice, a lot. Not many of the people in that auditorium grew up in Hollywood. It means that in order to achieve their dreams, they had to pack their bags, leave their friends and families behind and start a new life somewhere unfamiliar. It was either fail or go home. There were odd jobs, crummy apartments, loneliness. How many people get off that bus on Sunset Boulevard and end up getting back on the bus a year or two later to go back home? I’m guessing there’s 1000 of those people for every one that stays. Some got homesick, some couldn’t deal with rejection, some found out they weren’t that talented after all, some found out they have other dreams. To pursue your dreams takes a lot of personal sacrifice.
4) Success does not happen overnight. There aren’t many overnight successes. Even if they are making their first film; an entire life’s work and experience went into shaping their career. There’s a back story that we never know about. We don’t know how long someone has been working at their craft. No one achieves success overnight.
The ones who held that Oscar in their hands after their name was called, had a lot of things fall into place for them and a lot of luck, but they also put in their hard work; their blood, sweat, and tears, literally. Think of that type of dedication the next time someone tells you “no” or you feel like people should be noticing your work. Maybe you need to draw attention to yourself and all the great work you’re doing. Not everyone knows how awesome you are, yet.
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4 Lessons from the Olympics

February 18, 2014 by Leave a Comment
4 Lessons from the OlympicsWhen the world’s best compete against each other there’s so much emotion, drama, and heart that comes out, that’s why I love watching athletes perform. You can’t help but get drawn in. It’s what makes the Olympics so special.
In a way we know what it’s like to compete, because we know what it’s like to ace the test, nail the interview, deliver a great project, or drive in the game winning run in little league. We also know what it’s like to mess up the test, fail the interview, deliver a less than stellar project, and strike out with the bases loaded.
I can only image what the feeling is like at the Olympics. I think that’s why it’s so easy to feel for the athletes regardless of country or sport. In some we, we are them. What they’re experiencing is what we feel, or have felt at some level, only these athletes have the magnifying lens of the entire world on them.
There’s so many lessons to learn from the athletes. The 2014 Olympics in Sochi have certainly provided plenty of lessons. I’d like to talk about four lessons from the Olympics.
1) The odds-on-favorite doesn’t always win. –  Hannah Kearney was the favorite to take the gold in the women’s freestyle skiing moguls; which she won at the Vancouver 2010 Olympics. One mistake cost her the gold, and she ended up with a bronze medal. She tweeted afterwards, “Bronze feels a lot like a broken heart.” She went on to say later that she will accept the bronze for fighting, but not for perfection.
Maybe you’re the odds-on favorite. You need to give your best performance each and every time because someone right behind you is looking to beat you, and they will if you don’t perform your best. If you aren’t the favorite, this presents a tremendous opportunity. This means that anybody has a chance to achieve what they want. If you are prepared, and give your best effort, you may just end up with a gold medal, even when no one else thinks you’ll win. That’s why the underdog always has a chance.
2) Worthwhile pursuits take tremendous dedication. – Olympic athletes spend their lives training; sometimes 10 hours a day – for years. When asked if she would compete in the 2018 Olympics, Hannah Kearney said she wouldn’t because that means giving everything to skiing for the next four years and she has other dreams she wants to achieve.
We think we can have it all, we see other people spread themselves out in so many different fields. But, if you really look more closely there’s always the one thing that they achieved success with and then the other opportunities open up because of the success in that one field.They didn’t try to be a success at everything. I think that thinking slows us down because we’re trying to do everything, instead of focusing on the one thing that we’re better than anybody else at. If we can nail that and achieve success, the other opportunities will open up. What can you do better than anyone else? Do that, it’ll get you noticed and it will give you a chance to pursue other dreams.
3) Your character is always on display. – Jeremy Abbott, a four-time U.S. national figure skating champion, took a tumble on the ice and slid into the wall hard during the men’s short event. He was down for a second before he popped up and finished his routine.
While he was on the ice for that brief moment, a million things raced through his head; what do I do? do I skate over to the judges?, can I continue? I’m in a lot of pain. As those thoughts circled in his head, he heard the roar of the crowd. The crowd was pulling for him and began cheering, giving him a standing ovation.
In an interview afterwards, he said, “I heard the crowd and I had to finish for them.” He could have hung his head and skated off the ice, but he instead chose to finish. He knew his shot at a medal was over, he ended up in 15th place, but to finish what you started, even if it doesn’t go as planned shows exactly who you are as a person.
4) Make the most of your opportunity. – Noelle Pikus-Pace, missed a medal in the women’s skeleton, at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, by a tenth of a second. She wasn’t satisfied with that result, but she was pleased that she had given her best and with that she retired. She left the sport to raise a family.
After suffering a miscarriage, she decided to pursue the Olympic medal dream again, but only if her husband and two young children went with her. She spent the last few years training, and after her final run in Sochi, she was in first. The emotions poured from her as she knew she had secured a medal. She took home the silver medal and during the medal ceremony, she broke down in tears. She had made the most of her opportunity.
What are your Olympics? Maybe it’s something you’re competing in, or maybe it’s just your everyday pursuits. Can you take any of these lessons and apply them in your life to help you achieve the success you dream about?
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Every Day is Valentine’s Day

February 11, 2014 by Leave a Comment

Every Day is Valentine's DayValentine’s Day used to bum me out, only because I was perpetually single. I used to be jealous of everyone else getting to spend that special day with their sweetheart. I thought one day, I’m going to celebrate it.

Now that I’ve been married for almost 14 years, I don’t give a hoot about Valentine’s Day. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating love. In fact, we need more of that. It can also be a good excuse to find the courage to let someone know how you feel about them. If that’s the case, tell them. Don’t wait! Life’s too short to keep it to yourself.
So, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, because to us, every day is Valentine’s Day.
Valentine’s Day places a lot of unnecessary expectations on each other. What other holiday can give you feelings of both anxiety and guilt? That’s how the commercials try and make you feel anyway. Heaven forbid you don’t find the right present. You’ll look like a real schmuck; including to family and friends. So, it’s more about maintaining a good image, than it is about what it should really be about, which is your love for each other.
Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be about stuff anyway. Presents don’t make you any more or any less loved. That’s what my wife and I have discovered. When we feel like doing something special for each other we do it. We don’t need to wait for a holiday to do that. Besides, it’s way more fun to surprise each other with thoughtful gestures throughout the year.
Don’t fall in the trap of believing you need to celebrate. You don’t need to. If Valentine’s Day is your thing, more power to you; just don’t forget the other 364 days of the year.
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I’m on Vacation or How to Reduce Stress

January 28, 2014 by Leave a Comment

I'm on Vacation or How to Reduce StressThere are days that are filled with challenges and you can’t wait to get home. We’ve all been there. But when those days turn into weeks, and even months, something’s got to give. A number of years ago, at one of my former jobs, I was going through some pretty stressful days at work. The stress took its toll on me; I was cranky, had a negative attitude, and it was messing with my health (physically, mentally, and spiritually). My wife could see the effect work was having on me, so she came up with a plan that completely changed everything.

Her idea was this; once I left work, I was on vacation. That’s what I had to tell myself. Each night and weekend was a chance to relax and not worry about work. After all, when you’re on vacation you don’t think about those things that bring you down; you only think about enjoying those precious few hours of vacation that you have. Because of that, we were able to really enjoy our time together.  
This way of thinking got me through many difficult days. No matter what, I was only a few hours away from being on vacation. The feeling when you walk out of the building knowing you’re on vacation can’t be beat. At the time, it also gave me the strength to hold on until I was able to transfer to a different division within the company; one with a lot less stress.
It’s so much easier to be yourself when you’re not stressed. We’re meant to live a life of passion and purpose. It doesn’t meant that we won’t have challenges or disappointments, but we need to be able to find a way to keep plugging away, even when it feels like we can’t. We can’t give up hope. For me, taking a vacation every night was the best medicine there was.
Have you ever tried this tactic? Is there anything else that’s worked for you? How do you find the strength to make it through your challenging days?
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My 3 Words for 2014

December 31, 2013 by Leave a Comment

My 3 Words for 2014I recently went to a creative space in Milwaukee called Translator. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning, they host what they call a Lab (the rest of the time Translator is a digital marketing agency). If you’re in the area you should stop by. People get together and share ideas, get advice, and help others with their problems. It’s a great place for business and creative types to meet and collaborate in a positive environment that fosters creativity. I don’t go nearly often enough.

 A recent session was held on goal setting. Many ideas were presented, but one intriguing one offered by Katie Felten, who moderated, was about Chris Brogan’s three words for the year idea. Basically you pick three words you want to be the overriding theme for the next year and live them daily. It was amazing and inspiring to hear the stories of how that’s worked for Katie and Mark Fairbanks over at Translator. There was an exercise where we wrote down three words that we wanted our next year to be about and we went around the room and discussed them.
My three words for 2014 are:
Declutter – I have way too much stuff in my house and in my life. It’s stuff that doesn’t matter. Why do I need so many shirts when I don’t wear half of them? Why are there so many empty boxes lying around? What am I going to do with them? By having so much stuff around, it doesn’t leave room for new stuff to come in.  Decluttering will be not only a physical but a mental purification. I won’t reach minimalism, but I can sure try.
Focus – I want to focus on the things I really want; the things I want to do, the things I want to spend my time on, and who I want to spend my time with. Life is very distracting; especially with TV, the internet, magazines and other media. I can easily waste away a few hours everyday without even trying. I want to eliminate those distractions. When I used to play darts I would get extremely focused on my dart throwing. I would imagine a laser going from the tip of the dart to the dart board. It had to go exactly where my focus was, there was no way around it. And when I could focus so closely as to the exact hole I wanted that dart to go to, I could get pretty darn close. I want to have this kind of focus on whatever I spend my time on or whoever I spend my time with in 2014. I think decluttering will also help a lot with this goal.
Ship – I borrowed this term from Seth Godin. It means that your ideas don’t mean anything unless you ship them, unless they make their way out into the world. As one person said at Lab, “if it doesn’t ship, it doesn’t exist.” That’s true. No one will know about my work unless I share it, and put it out into the universe. It has a chance for a life outside of my mind or the hard drive on my computer if I expose it to the rest of the world. Sure, there’s a chance that nothing happens or the work gets criticized, but there’s also a chance for it to impact people. And at least it sets you up for some unknown possibilities.
I’m excited to see what 2014 shapes up to be because of these three words. You can do this too. Write down the first three words that come to mind (there’s probably a reason they’re right at the top of your head). Put them in a place where you can see them, so you have a reminder of what the words are.
What are your three words for 2014? Why did you choose them? How do you think they’ll impact you in 2014?
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What Christmas Means to Me

December 24, 2013 by Leave a Comment

What Christmas Means to MeWhen I was in middle school right after the Christmas break, my 7th grade English teacher, Ms. Mavrogenis, had us write a paper about how we spent our Christmas. I immediately went to work like the rest of my class and started jotting down what I got my sister, mom, and dad for Christmas, and how we always went out a little extra for mom because December 25th was also her birthday. Growing up we heard stories of how people would give mom a combined Christmas/Birthday gift and we always made sure there were separate presents for her birthday so she could enjoy both, even though they were on the same day.

A day or two later, as Ms. Mavrogenis handed back our papers, she told us that out of all of her students, I was the only one who wrote about what they gave for Christmas, not what they received. In a way, it was a little uncomfortable to be singled out of her 100 plus students, but at the same time I felt good.
Maybe because Christmas is also my mom’s birthday, I look at it a little differently. Christmas to me means that we think of others, we give, and we show compassion for each other. It’s too easy to get wrapped up in the commercial hype about making sure we buy the “right” present; there are enough TV commercials reminding us of that! I try to ignore the commercialism of Christmas and embrace what’s in my heart.
My wish for you is to enjoy your time with your friends and family this Christmas, but to also share your gift with the world, whatever that is. The world needs you. So, whether you give a stranger a smile, a friend a hug, or a cause your time or talents, do it. It will make you feel good and you’ll be making the world a better place for all of us.
How will you be celebrating the holidays this year? 
Merry Christmas! 
I also want to say, “Happy Birthday, Mom!”
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My Favorite Books of 2013

December 17, 2013 by Leave a Comment

My favorite books of 2013I’m an avid reader and am constantly looking for good authors to inspire me, motivate me, and fire up my mind. This year I discovered some truly amazing ones that did that and so much more. These books are filled with awesome information and most definitely had an impact on my life. I encourage you to check them out and if you are looking for a gift, you won’t go wrong with any of these.

Here are my favorite books of 2013:
Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. A book about being brave, stepping into the arena, and giving it your best shot. This book will help you move past your fears, the critics (both internal and external), and slay the dragon of perfectionism. Brené has said, “Perfectionism is a 10-ton shield that stops us from being seen.” Daring Greatly will make you appreciate your talent and your life more. You are enough, just as you are, so start living like it. It had a huge impact on me. If you read anything on this list, start with this one.
The Impact Equation by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith. So good, I read it twice this year! The Impact Equation is a wonderfully written book about making an impact in the world by being as helpful as possible, keeping things simple and being brave by thinking like an owner, not an employee. This book resonated with me so much that it gave me the kick in the butt I needed to start my blog (which is a chapter on building your platform). I continued looking for other ways to share it, and suggested to our CMO that everyone on our team should read it. I was thrilled when he decided to buy a copy for everyone. That weekend I emailed Chris Brogan to let him know how much the book meant to me and about our team reading it together. He not only responded to my email but he ended up coming to Milwaukee to meet with our team! I even got to spend some extra time with him one-on-one. Do yourself a favor and read The Impact Equation, oh, and sign up for Chris Brogan’s weekly newsletter. You never know what could happen!
How to Be Interesting (In 10 Simple Steps) by Jessica Hagy. I saw Jessica was going to be at a book signing and I liked the title of the book, so I went. I’m so glad I did. I left the book singing saying, “I’m starting my blog.” That’s how inspiring Jessica was. How to Be Interesting (In 10 Simple Steps) is an insightful and funny look at life lessons we could all learn from. Follow the steps presented in this wonderful book and just watch where life takes you.
Give and Take by Adam Grant. I read a New York Times article about Adam and was so blown away by this man that I was going to buy the book that weekend, but didn’t get a chance to. The book arrived the next week, sent to me by a friend who also enjoyed it. Adam Grant has studied how givers get ahead in life and in business, more than takers. At the age of 30 he became the youngest tenured professor at the famous Wharton School of Business, and also it’s highest ranking professor. This book made me pause and reflect on things so many times. I highlighted the heck out of the pages of Give and Take, that’s how much it spoke to me. Reading it also helped me come up with a ton of creative ideas.
The Art of Explanation by Lee LeFever. If you want to know how to break things down to its simplest form, The Art of Explanation will help tremendously. Whether you need to explain a product to your customers, explain your ideas to team members, or tell something to your family, this guide will help you. Lee offers great examples of what’s worked for him and his clients in explaining even the most complex ideas so that anyone can understand them. And if you aren’t understood, you won’t get anywhere in life, so therefore this is a must read.
Likeonomics by Rohit Bhargava. A book that will make you smile throughout and gives insight on how to do business in a better way. Likeonomics made me stop and say “yes, yes, yes” many times. Each chapter is filled with wonder advice and real-life examples of how to treat your customers; not as numbers, not as dollar signs, but as real people. It’s refreshing to read something that I feel to be true.
The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin. It’s hard not to be impressed with anything Seth Godin writes. He’s so succinct and so right-on and The Icarus Deception is classic Seth Godin. There’s something about this book that makes you want to go out and rule the world. He makes you feel like anything is possible, if you care enough to put forth the effort. He challenges you to believe that you can, so you might as well go ahead and do it.
The Passion Conversation by Robbins Phillips, Greg Cordell, Geno Church, and John Moore. The folks who wrote this are from a group called Brains on Fire, which focuses on helping companies with word of mouth marketing. I saw Robbin, one of the authors, speak at a BMA Milwaukee event and was drawn in. The Passion Conversation takes customer engagement to a whole new level. It goes in depth with four real-life examples of organizations (both for-profit and non-profit) that have used their strategies successfully. This book is an eye-opener that also sparked a lot of ideas.
What books impacted you in 2013? What are you looking forward to reading in the new year?
Happy reading in 2014!
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The Lesson I Learned from Nelson Mandela

December 10, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Lessons from Nelson MandelaWith Nelson Mandela’s passing, at the age of 95, the world lost a great inspiration. You can see how many lives he touched by the outpouring of testimonials and loving tributes. I feel a call to share how he touched mine as well.

I never met Nelson Mandela or saw him speak in person, but I’ve been inspired each time I watched him on TV. He spoke so eloquently about life and living on this planet together in harmony; peacefully. What truly amazes me is his will and determination. It overwhelms me to think he spent 27 years in prison, almost one third of his life on this earth, yet he was not a bitter man. He took full advantage of each day he was given.
While in prison, Mandela and his fellow political prisoners planned for a future South Africa that did away with Apartheid and embraced equality. His time on Robben Island, the prison where he spent 18 of his years in exile, much of it spent in hard labor, would become like a university. Prisoners were eventually allowed books and were able to take classes. Mandela spent time on improving himself; educating himself. He was preparing to eventually lead a nation.
Mandela spent 27 years in prison physically, but he did not succumb to mental imprisonment. He was too strong-willed to let that happen. I can’t help but think of the mental prisons we create for ourselves. We often live in the past. We never get beyond a wrong done to us or a wrong we did to someone else. We get stuck. What we need is the strength to move into a new vision. The kind of strength Mandela possessed.
We can look at Mandela’s inspiring example of how to lead a life that embraces peace and tolerance; not only for others, but for ourselves as well. We can lead the life we were meant to live; if we are determined enough we can create it.
Thank you, Nelson Mandela, for this beautiful lesson.
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